This morning I had an appointment with a career adviser at my alma mater to discuss a career path / should I go to grad school. I had the spiel ready of what I've studied, what work I've done and why I went to New Zealand. For those of you that aren't familiar with my saga, here it is in a nutshell; I studied several different majors in college, did quite well in all of them, but was never happy until I became an International Studies major and Philosophy minor. I stayed in the same financial services administrative job after college and after a while was unhappy in that field of work. I am not an administrative type person, I prefer creativity and complex problem-solving. So I quit to work in non-profits and travel. I applied for a visa in New Zealand and took off for 7 months. I discovered a lot about myself, learned more about who I am in those 7 months than I have the past 30 years. Now I was back home, and what should I do? Well, I knew the answer, I had to keep traveling. I needed to learn more about who I wanted to be.
But I turned 31 recently and the other night I had a dream that my hair was 70% grey. This was after I attended an International Grad School Fair. I found the program of my dreams, in Paris on Sustainable Development, yet it was obvious the school prefers their students to attend right after undergrad. It even states it on some of their marketing material that they welcome students under the age of 27. Twenty-seven!! That was four years ago. Then the calm rational person that understood that I needed to keep exploring the world took a hike (or a nap since she is getting older) and now the new me went into full quarter-life crisis mode.
So here I was in my career adviser's office freakin' out about what I needed to do to get my life straightened out and find a plan. I talked about my friends and how they all had careers in their fields of choice. I knew that I shouldn't be comparing myself to other people, but its human nature. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I heard my voice crack with emotion at how I am very good at several things, but nothing that I would be able to specialize in. She spoke to me in the same clinical tone that I grew to dislike about counselors. That tone that suggests she has heard this all before and there was a simple solution. Just do what you're doing. Keep exploring. But what if I get too old, I asked? The counselor was in her 50's and the question also seemed to imply something about her. I got my master's when I was 40 she said. Yeah, I thought to myself, if I want to be a counselor, I wouldn't be worried.
She was telling me what I knew all along, don't go to grad school until you are sure. Figure out who you are and what you want to do by process of elimination. Try new things (and new places- I added). Keep reflecting on what you're doing and what motivates you. When I went to college I wasn't a traditional student. I was a bit older than my colleagues and that actually was a bonus. I had more life experience.That is something you cannot get in grad school. All these things I already knew. But somehow, it sounded better coming from someone with grey hair.
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